Gotta Love Your Subconscious
by Gizomo
Summary: Sirius has many fantasies about hot Muggle swimsuit models... SiriusHarry.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Gotta Love Your Subconscious  
**Author: **Gizomo  
**Pairing: **Um...Sirius/Harry?**  
Rating: **T**  
****Disclaimer:** Don't own Harry Potter.  
**Summary: **Sirius has many fantasies about hot Muggle swimsuit models...

**A/N:** I honestly have no clue how I thought up of this. I was thinking about making this a one-shot, but maybe if I get more ideas about this I'll add more chapters.**  
**

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Sirius was having a wonderful dream.

He was floating down to an enclosed room, being helped into a plush red armchair by many small anthropomorphic Padfoots, who ran around giving him a wineglass of scotch and slipping on silk robes onto his naked frame. The wallpaper surrounding him had cute prancing stags in the borders and a few of the smaller Padfoots were chasing after them. The room was filled with the quiet chatter of other Padfoots talking amongst themselves with a wineglass or other in their paws, served to them by small Padfoots dressed in suits.

Soon, the light in the room dimmed and a spotlight fell on one of the larger dogs, who stood up and held a Muggle microphone in his paws.

Sirius smiled. He'd had this dream many times before, especially in his Hogwarts days. He knew what would happen next. He leaned forward in anticipation.

"After several years of hiatus, we are please to have finally gathered here again to announce our regular Special of the Month! But before that, let's give a round of applause to our conscious state, Sirius Black!"

Sirius nodded in acknowledgement of the loud howling and barking while the announcer mentioned others ("To our Memory, who has suffered so much and still remains intact to receive our love!"), but really, he was just waiting for his Treat. The other times had always been an unbelievable Muggle woman who was well endowed in certain areas and wasn't afraid to show it at the beach. They oddly resembled the posters he kept in his room at Grimmauld Place, but he never cared because they were, obviously, scantily-clad Muggle models. It had been years since he saw this dream, and he could hardly contain his excitement.

There was nothing that he particularly fancied more in Muggles than in witches, only that they looked so much better in a still picture rather than in a moving one. In a still shot, there was so much more he could do than if the person inside didn't already have a life of their own. In fact, many times it happened to have what looked like his Swimsuit Model pictures with a witch's face pasted onto it.

Of course, he always sort of knew what it would be. Once it was that tall Ravenclaw Sixth Year, and another time there was a lovely blonde Hufflepuff. One very brief dream had Lily Evans in it, but of course, as soon as he discovered James fancied her, she fell off his list like every other taken girl. He rolled his eyes at the memory.

He snapped his attention back at the scene once the drum roll start going and the spotlight enlarged to accompany both the announcer Padfoot and a cloth-covered portrait. His heart was pounding; he barely was able to control his excitement. It was always like this.

"Muggle Swimsuit Models, Muggle Swimsuit Models," he chanted enthusiastically to himself, "Muggle Swimsuit Models..."

They were always in a swimsuit. His mind raced through the possible winners: Short, maybe; he was fancying brunettes more than blondes at the moment; maybe it would be green...no, no, blue! He wanted blue. The drum roll really wasn't doing anything to help at all.

Finally, the drum roll stopped and another dog pulled on the string, revealing a large wall-sized portrait.

In it contained a beautifully-shot downward Muggle photograph of none other than...Harry Potter, who was sitting comfortably in the shallows of a pebbled beach, wearing nothing but blue swimming trunks and was staring straight up at Sirius in an endearing manner. A beautiful smile played on his lips as the sunlight reflected off the water as it dripped from his hair and body. It was a perfect scene, with perfect angle and perfect expression.

Sirius felt his jaw fall to unprecedented lengths as he felt himself with his armchair spiraling out of the universe. He was no longer there when the Padfoots all shook their heads in exasperation or chuckled from the amusement: this was a horror, this was a nightmare, this was no Special of the Month, this was an atrocity!

He wasn't in consciousness anymore when he felt his screams of horror—

-

Harry rubbed his eyes sleepily as he ambled into the kitchen. Earlier that night he thought he heard Sirius thrashing in his sleep, but was too drowsy to have done anything at the time. He smiled as he saw Remus already in the house and the smell of bacon reached his nose.

"Good morning, Remus. I see that you've finally moved in, with cooking breakfast and all before anyone in the house is actually awake."

"Good morning, Harry. And for your information, it's half past ten o'clock, so I might as well have prepared something when I get here."

Harry chuckled, slipping past Remus to get a carton of milk. He and Sirius had been trying to get Remus to move in for months, seeing as he pretty much already lived there, but every time they asked him the werewolf refused. He sighed into the milk carton.

Just as Harry took his first sip, Sirius dragged himself through the doors, with bags underneath his eyes. He'd been trying to stay awake all night just so that he wouldn't see that dream again. The thought of Harry's picture gave Sirius shivers down his spine; although, most frighteningly, he couldn't figure out for which reason it did so.

When he finally looked up to see his surroundings, he saw that his feet brought him to the kitchen with Remus at the frying pan and Harry with the refrigerator door open.

Sirius stopped and stared at Harry with an odd look of something that seemed like shock on his face.

Harry was drinking straight out of the milk carton, stopping in surprise when Sirius' eyes fell on him. A drop of the milk trickled from his lips, the white liquid rolling down his chin and falling onto his pajama top...

"ARGHHHHH!!" Sirius screamed. He squeezed his eyes shut, throwing his arms over his eyes while shouting, "HOT SWIMSUIT MODELS! MY HOT SWIMSUIT MODELS!!"

Still screaming, he turned straight around and ran right into the doorframe. He didn't pause, running straight out of the kitchen and up the stairs, his screaming getting more and more distant until finally there was a loud slamming of a door.

Harry and Remus stood still in a moment of complete silence.

"What...just happened then?" asked Harry, completely bewildered and having a look of worry on his face.

Remus simply shrugged and returned back to his eggs. After a few seconds he chortled quietly to himself.

----

**A/N:** There's an adorable little button down there. Be sure to pet the "Submit Review" one by clicking on it.

Until next time,  
Gizomo  
10/24/07


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.**  
**

**A/N: **Truth: Ice cream cures all. I mean really, one bite and I had a whole new idea to do. Works wonders, I tell you.

Oh, and Happy Halloween, guys! Or blokes. Or people. Maybe people would be better.

**A/N:** Bah, just when I finished touching up this thing the site decided to log me out. Now I have to rewrite everything I wanted to do. Gay.

----

Remus J. Lupin was quite mystified when he opened the door to Sirius Black's room only to find the man sitting in the corner with his knees to his chest and head in his arms muttering something like that sounded oddly like, "My Muggle swimsuit models...swimsuit...models..."

Remus blinked. Well, he understood the part after Sirius looking at Harry in such a way that it gave off _that_ scent, but what was that exactly about the swimsuit models?

It took him a moment to realize that he was probably talking about those interesting dreams that Sirius had in their Hogwarts years. But that was years ago, and honestly Remus thought that Sirius had grown out of them.

And to top it all off, did he even _want_ to know what it was that connected them to Sirius's reaction?

Shaking his head, he opted for simply consoling his friend —Merlin knows how much that man seemed to need it—and knelt down beside him.

"Breakfast is getting cold," Remus started, then had a change of heart and decided to just end it as soon as possible, "So what on earth was going inside your head a while ago?"

"Urr."

"That's not an answer, Padfoot."

"Do you really want to know?"

"No. I honestly, truly do not want to. But Harry is a little worried and I told him I would handle it for him."

Sirius sighed. "I had a dream."

"I can pretty much gather that."

"Well, yeah, but that's not all. You remember those dreams I used to have back in our Hogwarts days?"

"The ones with that had the swimsuit models with a random witch's face pasted on? Of course I remember those; I had to cover my ears every time you announced one."

Sirius chuckled at this.

"That's not funny, you know. I honestly thought I would be tainted for life."

"Yes, well, you'll be even further tainted once you learn that I had the dream again, but this time instead of a witch I got a bloke instead."

"...Considering your suspicious habits back then, I'm suddenly not surprised. Besides, you did have the occasional male in those dreams, if I remember correctly."

"Yes, but that was only one or two times, and they were never anyone I actually knew personally; only that Ravenclaw prefect in fifth year and some other boy I saw in a shop."

"Look, I really didn't need to know that much information," said Remus, groaning, "And even though I'm wondering how you could possibly remember such small details, I'd rather get to the point and ask what on earth you're getting at."

Sirius paused, and swallowed. "Guess who was in my dream this time."

"Who?"

The animagus was silent.

Realization slowly dawned on Remus. "It's not...it can't possibly be, is it—?" he stammered, horror and shock mounting on his face. It couldn't be..._Remus himself_, could it? He felt sweat on his palms, his heart pounding through his system, though for which reason he couldn't know, his breath quickening slightly...Was it really...?

Sirius sighed in resignation, resting his chin on his knees. "Yeah. It was Harry. I still can't believe it myself."

Time stood momentarily still.

Downstairs, Harry paused as he heard something like a very loud crash and a scream that could have belonged to Remus. Maybe he should – no, Remus said that he would handle it. He said that he would take care of it and Harry wouldn't need to upset his godfather. He hoped it was true as he fought his will to rush upstairs, pacing at an even faster rate than he did before.

--

Sirius knelt at a short distance away from where he sat before, nursing the rather noticeable wound that had mysteriously appeared on his head. Remus was standing in a menacing pose, huffing a little from his outburst.

A look fell over Sirius's face that looked oddly like a child who'd been turned down by anyone he asked to play with. Remus felt his negative feelings melt away; there was no way that anyone could stay in such a state after taking one look at the expression the other man had somehow mastered even at his age.

Really, Remus knew that he was just caught up in the moment. It really cleared up a lot of things about the dream and Harry stuff. He still shuddered at the thought, though.

After a span of about a minute, Sirius finally spoke, in a whining sort of tone, "I know that I shouldn't have dreamt something like that, Remus, but you still didn't have to hit me so hard on my head."

"That..." Remus trailed off, unable to think of a suitable excuse.

"And you know I couldn't possibly have had any control over it," the other man muttered. Remus could imagine the pout that surely was sitting on the Sirius's face.

Remus could feel himself softening instantly. He wouldn't want it if Sirius got into a bad situation because of him. He sighed.

Kneeling beside the other man, Remus laid a hand on Sirius's shoulder.

"Alright," he said gently, "I'll go along and help you with anything you need. But only because you're a sodding idiot."

Sirius laughed, shaking his head slightly. "Thanks for that, Remus, but as much as I appreciate it and all, I still don't even know how I could be helped."

Remus looked at Sirius, one eyebrow raised.

"I mean, I gave it a lot of thought," continued Sirius, "and I think that I might have just overreacted. It's all just one dream, anyway, and I shouldn't have put so much thought into it all. I mean, I can't be transformed into a poofter overnight, you know," he said, giving a shaky smile, "and I hadn't had that dream since our Hogwarts days, so I guess I was just thrown off a tad bit there."

_Of course, just a tad bit_, thought Remus sarcastically. He didn't say it out loud, of course, and simply decided to put the whole thing off until the next time Sirius would go into a rampage. It worked a lot, actually.

"Well, I'll still give you whatever support you need," he said instead, helping the other man up and dusting themselves off, "And don't expect me to be surprised if something happens again soon."

Sirius only laughed, putting the entire thing out of his head. Well, he tried to, at least.

----

**A/N:** Another truth: British slang is weird. I mean, I may be American, but I wouldn't want to put American words into British mouths. Flame me as a wannabe, but doing something like that would be as weird as hearing Bush swearing in Cockney. And trust me, that would be pretty darn weird.

But I'm learning, so hopefully I wasn't bad at trying to make it blend, right?

But really, you have to cut me some slack. I mean, a couple of days ago I didn't even _know_ that Britishers didn't call people guys. But hey, you'd be offended too if someone called you after a burned scarecrow, I suppose. Even if it is a national holiday.

Oh, and I was just so excited that people were reviewing that I decided to thank you all! Just remember, the stupid site logged me out so I had to redo the stuff here and it might be a little silly.

**Tina: **Thank _you_ for actually taking the time to review! And thanks for being my first reviewer!  
**GrlWithoutAName: **Thank you! I'll try to keep going, but I don't know how long I'll last about it.  
**ooosk: **I'm brilliant? Really? And here I was thinking I was just writing a whole load of crap. Thank you, I feel so flattered!  
**Ariaeris: **Here's an update just for you, Ariaeris! Hopefully this cleared up some more about what Remus was thinking at the time, though it was mainly just about how stupid Sirius and how unpredictable and amusing he is. Honestly, how would _you_ react if someone did something like that out of the blue? I bet you'd be rolling all over the floor.  
**HarrySirius: **What an interesting name you have there. I know I love it. And thank you so much for your love! I'll try to keep on writing, but I know I wouldn't want to let anyone down. Oh yes, and don't worry, there will be _plenty_ of more fantasies to come.  
**txgirl123: **-squeals- You think my writing style is good? You're so wonderful! I keep thinking that I'm a terrible writer, and I'll never get as many reviews as those other great fanfictions. But you give me hope! Thank you for being so encouraging, and I'll try writing more chapters with more good ideas!**  
don't feel like logging in: **Aww, you didn't log in. :[ But no matter, because you just called me a good writer! Thank you! People say that but sometimes I think my writing isn't as great as I make it out to be. And about that plot line, hopefully I'll be able to continue while keeping you satisfied about that.   
**Bloodstone Sardonyx: **You really liked that dream room and the wallpaper? Hahaha, I came up with that on a whim. But don't worry, you'll probably be seeing more of that soon. As for those ideas, I'll try devouring more ice cream to keep it up. Thanks!

Remember, folks, more reviews means more happiness, more happiness means more encouragement, and more encouragement means more of a chance of me writing faster and better for the love of my readers! And don't worry about flaming me half to death. FLAME ME ALL YOU WANT! Because, in the end, flames mean more reviews, and more reviews mean bigger numbers in the summary, and the more reviews the more likely people are to read my stories. :D It works out well, in the end.

Well, until next time,  
Gizomo  
10/31/07


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